Dearest Friends March 25, 2007,
I have had a very special morning that I originally intended to share with the friends I knew who might find it interesting, but my mind was changed for me and it will become my blog this week.
Yesterday I had a long and wonderful telephone conversation with Bert Self, the husband and beloved partner of my friend Becky Self , who entered the heavens a month ago. We should all be so blessed with a partner who loved us for over 30 years in “sickness” and in health, as was Becky.
At 19 years of age Becky fought the Cancer battle and won, to go on to have a child named Jonathan, some 24 years ago. Though perhaps not a Virgin birth, it was indeed a miracle . Having been so ill with many rounds of radiation therapy, that she conceived was the first miracle followed by a healthy son the second, then the quality of a teenager and now, man he has become ,the ultimate in miracles..
I recall when I first met her son : He was about 16 yrs. old and speaking at the pulpit of St. Francis Episcopal Church. I recall nothing of what he said, but was mesmerized by his voice and deportment . He was special, that was evident and at 16 yrs had charisma oozing from his very being. I asked my friend Carol Balderree “Who is that young man?”
She replied “O, that is Becky and Bert’s son Jonathan, isn’t he something?”Yes, he’s something ” I replied “if only I were 10 years, maybe 20 years, OK closer to 40 years younger-smile”
It was soon after that that I officially met Bert and Becky and was hardly able to contain my enthusiasm for their remarkable offspring. Becky seemed to know God had blessed her with both her loving husband and singular son, often speaking of their goodness and accomplishments.
Although Becky won the Cancer battle she suffered all those many years with the results of the radiation therapy, often being hospitalized for months at a time. Then a year ago she went to the Mayo Clinic for a Pericardectomy , in hopes the removing of the non elastic pericardium would give her some relief and improve her quality of life.
Though not the success wished for , it did give us a few more months in the presence of “Queen Rebecca”. Mortal though she be, with all the cares and foibles of a commoner , there was a regalness about her, that quietly demanded your respect. And we, her loyal servants( friends), eagerly gave it to her, it being well earned.
Becky spent the last couple of months in Baptist Hosp. Memphis and I had the pleasure of visiting with her only weeks before her death. As usual our conversation was “God” centered, as was our relationship. We prayed, told stories and laughed together, then got down to the nitty gritty, when she said she would not be here to see me when I returned in three years. I said “Becky you will be coming to visit me long before I ever return to America. “ She nodded and we both knew it was true.
It has been true and in a very tangible way this morning: In my dreams Becky said she would be with me this morning at Mass and I would receive the Eucharist for her. I ask how I might do that and she said “It will be evident that I am there with you”.
This morning at Mass in the lovely new Church on Hosp. grounds (Also named St. Francis) , I sat in one of the few chairs with a back (mostly benches) and Sr.Violeta, the head nurse tutor and a religious sister, sat next to me. She helped me with the hymns, which are a combination of familiar English songs and very non familiar Rufumbria songs.. The priest, Fr. John de Vinney, says the Mass in a combination of both languages, so I am often confused, but today I felt so “at home” in this foreign land. It reminded me of the scripture where the apostles spoke in many languages, yet all understood…
I felt peaceful and “in the right place” but did not know how I was to receive Holy Communion for Becky, except as with that intent.
Then a bird came inside the church and soared around happily trying to find his way. I found my eyes following the bird as it flew high up in the rafters of the church, occasionally landing for a moment before it again took off. Then just as the priest was consecrating the bread and wine, the bird flew down toward me and gently sat on the empty chair next to me. ..! Wow, “Becky’s here”, I thought. OK, I can receive the Eucharist for Becky easily now. The bird disappeared (found its way outside?) as I approached the altar to receive Communion. Then with my eyes on my hands outstretched to accept the host, Fr. John said” Body of Christ”, then again he said ”Body of Christ”. I looked up at him wondering why he had not given me the host and saw there were two hosts stuck together that he was trying to separate. He finally gave up trying and placed both hosts in my hand..” Amen”, I said again” Amen”
You can draw your own conclusions but I know what transpired.
Believe it or not, there is more to this story: I came home, or should I say I flew home to have tea and savor the experience. Ugandian black tea mixed with Fruit Bliss( Cranberry, Raspberry and Elderflower) is a delightful combination, with just enough caffeine to get me going. Sipping my tea, I opened a book entitled “Mother Teresa—Total Surrender” to where ever I felt led (those of you who know me won’t be surprised) and was guided to this reading. Entitled ”Bread of Life”
As Missionaries of Charity we are especially called upon to see Christ in the appearance of bread and to touch him in the broken bodies of the poor.
Christ, when he took bread said:”Take and eat, this is my body delivered for you” By giving himself, he invites us to grow in the power of his love to do what he has done.
Christ’s love for us will give us strength and urge us to spend ourselves for him.” We have no right to refuse our life to others in whom we contact Christ.”
Like Mary, let us be full of zeal to go in haste to give Jesus to others. She was full of grace when, at the annunciation,she received Jesus. Like her, we too become full of grace every time we receive Holy Communion. It is the same Jesus whom she received and whom we receive at Mass.
As soon as she received him she went with haste to give him to John. For us also,as soon as we receive Jesus in Holy Communion, let us go in haste to give him to our sisters, to our poor, to the sick, to the dying ,to the lepers,{to those with HIV-AIDS} ,to the unwanted, and the unloved. By this we make Jesus present in the world today.
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While praying, I usually have music on, I chose an album by Joan Borysenko entitled “Inner Peace for Busy People”, The first musical piece which played for 15 minutes, is entitled “The Lark Ascending”-------------------.an accident------I think not!
My conversations with Becky were usually spiritual: As a raised Baptist, turned Episcopalian some 10 years ago, Becky had a rather surprising devotion to the Blessed Mother or “Mother Mary”, as she called her.. We had many conversations about Mary and what it must have been like to raise Jesus, to love him as only a mother could and then watch him suffer and die. . Becky would say to me” I feel Mother Mary near me, do you think she will be with me when I die?” I assured her there is no other place she would rather be than by her side, to personally take her by the hand to see her son.
This gave both of us much comfort when on Feb. 24th Queen Rebecca, indeed made that transition into God’s Palace.
We miss you Becky and always will, until we are all together again
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AMEN----again I say -----AMEN
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