----------The Dance Of Life---

---------------------------Lake Mutanda, Kisoro, Uganda-------
Dear Friends

WARNING: This is not my typical upbeat Blog, so unless you want to read “the whole story” skip this one and move on.

Usually my personal processing is kept within or shared with a few select friends in a JJJ= Jabber Jabber Journal letter, but something tells me there is someone out there who might benefit by my ruminations, so be it.

Lay Mission Helpers has a policy, that I don’t recall hearing, that we are not to adopt or keep a child permanently,. so I have to give Michael up by the end of June

I had already started this process both in prayer and in action but my timetable and my mission group’s did not match, so Michael will soon be moving to a orphanage in Kisoro named “Potters Village”. It is a wonderful place , started by Rev. Jenny Green, an Anglican Priest from England, who has served as a missionary, herself in this country for 14yrs. and has two Ugandan adopted children of her own.

--------Potters Village- Children's Home--Kisoro, Uganda---

,

We are making the transition slowly-:from one day to one night then 2 nights etc., By July he will be living there permanently with “home visits to his godmothers house-smile

----------------------Nkuring Safari Lodge

-------------Lake Mutanda, Kisoro, Uganda June 14, 2008

Here I sit writing in my work note book because, although I suspected I might not be able to use my computer here, it never crossed my mind to pack paper and pen. Fortunately “ I had my work fanny pack with a notepad in it and “thanks Bon-Bon for my mini

bejeweled pink pen, which fits perfectly in my mini purse.

This weekend at Lake Mutanda was a long time coming, as I tried two times before and had to cancel out. I was beginning to think this would be –three strikes and you are out--, but I finally arrived at six pm last evening, thanks to rides from Dr. Leonard to take Michael to Potters Village,then dear friend Sheba for transport here and back on Sunday.

The first thing I noticed was how far I have come in a year—how holistically different I have become: A year ago when David from Lay Mission Helpers was visiting, our hospital driver took us for a tour of Lake Mutanda. He suggested we might take a walk down a hilly path to see the Lodge. Well we did and admittantly David, who is older than I, was in much better physical shape than I, as this “hill” turned into a steep mountain, not more than a ½ mile long but slippery as can be. Well I slipped, skidded and huffed and puffed, thinking this will be the first and last time I take this trek.

Now a year later, I have walked it 4 times and as I descended the “hill” wearing a very very heavy backpack and carrying an equally heavy bag, all I could think of was “why did I think this was so difficult?”

So, physically, besides losing 40 pounds, I am more fit than ever.

Holistic implies “Body, Mind and Spirit” and the second two are what has called me to this “time apart”.

Having to give Michael up to an uncertain future may be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I have experienced every emotion in the book and am hopeful I’ll leave this place tomorrow with some sense of peace .If that happens, it will be a surprising gift , as, at the moment, some 18 hrs. since my arrival, the heartbreak is at an all time high.

Every thing I read from Livings Faiths “Loving God, give me the courage to be honest with you, with others and with myself.” To my daily reading from “The Color of Light, “(for those infected and affected with AIDS)—a quote from writer Emmanuel which reads “Accept your Humanness as well as your Divinity, totally without reserve. And do not shut out the fear, do not deny anything that seems negative to you” Then onto a quote from Shakti Gawain that reads “ Sadness is related to the opening of the heart. If you allow yourself to feel sad, especially if you can cry, you will find that your heart opens more and you can feel more love.” And then onto the song playing on my MP3 player “The reason I am here is for Love”

Accordingly, I have set aside the hope for peace today and instead am allowing, dare I say “honoring”, the holy tears that escape from my saddened eyes.

I do indeed feel sad and it is the one emotion, of the many I have experienced, which I have fought, resisted and denied. It, somehow, seemed selfish to allow sadness to creep into my life, when joyfulness has been my life’s goal. Yet, I am heeding the guidance that is coming to me and giving “Sadness” free reign.

Truly a Room With A View---from my self contained tent I can see Lake Mutanda and hear a cacophony of birds

Later in the day-----------------------

Though I had arranged only bed and breakfast , Powerman, the owner of this Lodge, insisted that I have a bowl of his Pumpkin Soup for lunch and dinner. Well if you had ever tasted his pumpkin soup and his wife’s equally scrumptious home made dinner rolls, you’d know why I accepted his kind offer..

So, as I await this nourishment, (truly holistic nourishment), I am sitting quite comfortable in the Lodge, with a toasty fireplace, viewing Lake Mutanda, which today could be called Ocean Mutanda.

Truly if you close your eyes: the sound of the wind thru the trees, the waves lapping at the shore, even the scent of salt in the air (ok, maybe it is just the soup brewing-smile).

Then you open your eyes and those sounds become visual as there are indeed white capped waves creeping onto the land line, while the trees sway beautifully to the -Call of the Wind.

The contrast of the staid mountains enhances the entire effect and I feel a speck (though be it a significant speck) in the Dance Of Life

For now the tears have subsided and I can feel a gentle smile budding within me, as I indulge myself in memories: There is Michael, of course, in the mornings as he wakes and rolls over toward me with a smile only a baby angel could have, and gently touches my face.
But there are other memories that increase my smiling heart----so so many memories; my fathers Irish humor, my mothers giggles (whether she got his jokes or not). Memories of all the years of shared family laughter. I doubt there was ever a family that had more fun together than the McGee’s. Then, when my sister Theresa married Bob and their children joined our table, the joy of family was only enhanced.

It is not that way now, hasn’t been for many years. But when I feel sad about the loss of my family, I simply remember and realize that what I enjoyed for near 50 years, some people have never even tasted.
-----------------------I have had a blessed life and I know it!

MARIE---------------------

Part two: next time